The mesopotamians, the egyptians, the greeks and the aztecs were very clear: when the planets are aligned just fucking. As not all of you have the advanced knowledge of astrology is required to know if this weekend plays succeed or downloaded an entire season of Love. Or, if you just want to know if it will be worth it to go through the torture of a brazilian wax or waste a little of the elixir hormonal content in the bottle of the cologne Male Dandy, here is the verdict of the stars. That Jupiter illuminates your Tinder!
Go, go… what we have here. Someone who seems that has recently been wet, eh? A case to part, because who’s to say that you, Aries, a person, let’s say, so little sociable, you have finally finished launching what some call… ‘SEX’. It seems that the stars are in your favor and will be with you for three weekends in a row. Forget to go back to being a virgin, your window of love is going to stay open for quite some time.
Do you know the horns you have on your head? As they are the ones that you are going to plant your partner this weekend. So clear. You are more left/to the bow of the Titanic and you know that the third rum and coke those itching for the area down is going to take over your being. So you’re already warned, or practices polygamy, free love, or you channel your karma and you take your partner to a swingers club. But the case is that this weekend you’re going to perrear more Daddy Yankee at a slumber party. You know, if you’re going to roll at least use protection, as I would say the grandmother, “the little things bad are going to fly”.
Your bipolar disorder makes, which lasts a chapter of Narcos, you’ve changed your mind 377 times. Your duality of thought among the get out or not go out you leverages up to take you to the level of rancid maximum. Perhaps, if dejases aside your fucking couch and saltases the emptiness of the things that are cool —for example, to practice the Kamasutra— your life would take a 180 degree turn and end up become the Casanova you always wanted to be. Total, that’s a weekend plus not leaves.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, you’re so demanding all fucked unless you. Sorry, nothing to do this weekend either. Hug, luck, and a lot of Netflix.
You’re a woman, you’re more good sucking on the cap of the yogurt and you have the ovaries well put. What more could you ask for in this world? What a nice dick?What an aunt that is at least as good as you? Well, ask and you will have it. The alignment of Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and Raticulí suggests that this weekend, people of all gender identities are going to want to follarte as if there was no tomorrow. So it is best that you take a smoothie to detox and give you a masajito because it is approaching 48 hours with more action and fuego valyrio the last chapter of Game of Thrones.
You jump from the penis penis but you jump only when it touches. Well. A smart choice if you’re looking for just a fuck when Jupiter is in house 8. As I was telling your mother, and your friends, you would say all the world: your face screams for a good fuck. As I would say Peter Pan, what you need is to have faith, trust, and sex. Well, this last you say to us. Luck.
Although we hate with more force than to the selfies of morritos on Instagram, you know that, in the background, you can’t live without him/her. You have discussed and, since then, each day, each minute, each second is a constant struggle not to inspect your profile on Facebook, your pics on Instagram or the last time you were connected to WhatsApp. However, it is the time of tragarte the pride as a Whopper with bacon in a day of hangover. Your relationship what it deserves, the love he deserves, the fucking universe you deserve it. Catches the mobile and tell him to get this weekend ‘to see a movie’. The powders of reconciliation are the best.
If you had lived in the Middle Ages you would have called “The Locksmith of Milwaukee” by your ability to burst and chastity belts. However, you live in the TWENTY-first century and that roll of machito ‘fucker’ that I carry starts to give fairly little pain. So we suggest that you go replanteándote to channel your momentum hormone towards the noble exercise of love courteous. Read a book once in a while won’t hurt you but will improve your rhetoric romantic. You’ll discover a new world beyond the Jenny and Elisabeth. If you’re a woman, follarás fixed.
For you the motto is: perseverance, slow, and things gradually. But you are going so slowly that at this pace you’re going to leave gray hairs on your lower parts. By the way, if you stop to listen to them, they cry for a little bit of noise. We don’t know what you are afraid of, exactly, but… if you do not dare to throw yourself into, the worst thing that can happen is they tell you NOT to. And in that case, you masturbate, and ready.
Take off the candles scented, the tablecloth of the times and the beer 7 eurazos of the Mercadona, because this weekend plays plan romantic-home with your ‘churri’. A long time ago that the astros are asking for that moment of intimacy, rich food, rich and a polvete with feeling in the sofa of the dining room to power reset the passion rabbity the first few days. These are the kind of nights that tatuarán in your heart the meaning of the word Love and that will make you forget the five and a half million defects of your child. The smile fool will accompany you throughout the week.
You have the sex appeal and the hustle and bustle of a sexual amoeba in a state of hibernation. Eye spend the weekend glued to the PornoHub websites of porn the load the devil. We recommend that you go planteándote out of the cave in which you were immersed/to and discover that there are beings with vulva and penis more beyond the threshold of your door. In the spring he fucks more, you know that?
You have been playing without a fuck that your body already tells you that soon you are back to being a virgin. Will not save you any our father, what will save you is to have a little bit of initiative, because at this step for when you try, you’re going to bleed again. So now you know, ‘get toa sexy toa porno’ or, if you’re a guy, put on some briefs clean it with that will suffice. Ale, get out there and show that there is something more that horchata traveling through your veins.