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–> September 8, 2017
Oh great oracle codigonuevil! I invoke once more! We are in that period tontuno of the year in which it is neither summer, nor just not be. The festivals have gone on to a better life, the uni has not yet started and that you are at work you are eating the depression postvacacional with pataticas. The case is that you need to take a polvazo healer of most pork, and gather the strength to face the terrible fact that the Winter is coming. One more week, our fellow-oracle-precarious has entered into a trance to distribute forecasts and joys to your eyes, ears and sphincters. Oh follemos all this weekend!
Aries
Yours is not a drought, it is that you’re more dry than the desert of los Monegros after a rave with the Dothraki. You take without wetting the whole summer and get ready because the thing goes for long unless you plantes, and look for a solution. Surround yourself the Tinder, get a photo ‘toa sexy’ and get ready to get rid of above thousands of pesaos that even seem to majetes at the beginning, but you will begin to rallarte with questions chorras. The world is in your hands, to fuck between your legs. You decide to guapi ?
Taurus
You should be leaving that to throw the cane to every waitress in night club, fishing, operator of Vodafone that is kind to you. We know that you have a season two candles, but you start to see signs where there are none. Not all want to issue with you and is not a good idea to jump to the jugular which walker white. Seriously, hold a little bit this weekend or you will burst your brain (and your parties). PD: Youporn is a free.
Gemini
At this rate they will have to invent the ‘antiviagra’ for people like you. Not content with having spent a summer that would leave Pocholo and Rafa Mora and beginners fuck, that roll of a 3 day beard and morenito post-summer that drag is more irresistible to get a hummus of Mercadona with crudités (the way fisna of the French to call the chunks of carrot and other vegetables) to three in the morning. Set aside a little to fuck you both get older, I swear.
Cancer
Do you know that to be that is usually placed at the end of the couch and sometimes he fucks you(or you!)? Since it is your boyfriend, and, even if you don’t believe it, before you called him ‘my churri’ and you were so sticky that your Instagram was causing diabetes. The case is that the routine living and him fuck all, but they are also an opportunity to show that he still keeps ‘the llavesita of your coraçao’ (with an accent on south american/brazuca everything sounds better). So that moves the chuminaquen and show him all your love.
Leo
Let’s see, soul of a pitcher. You have said this thousands of times: take a powder is a very complicated if you don’t socialise with anyone and hate everyone that try to fit into society. You’ve turned into a hermit who survives to the base of pizzas and Netflix, and that does no more than complain on Twitter of the little fucks. So stop looking for compassion in networks and go out with your friends, you miss and like, you know someone to have compassion on your genitals.
Virgo
Warning, Achtung, Attenzione! You’re only a few hours to commit a greater mistake than to fly with your dragon favorite above the King of the Night. The fucking fate has willed that this weekend, you crosses with your ex whatever you do. Gives equal to that you hide in a bunker fallout with Kim Jog-a, your ex will find you and you hipnotizará for you ended up fucking, and, by the way, re-opening those fucking trauma that ruined the last two years of your life. It will be karma or something like that, the case is if they catch you with a couple of drinks on top like you do not remember.
Pound
Mmm… damn… this….we just fuck up the receiver of mental waves from the brain to Rappel down and we are left in white right on your sign. After you hit it with the stick the fellow a couple of times (the poor man is in a trance by having closed for 32 hours in a row) between babbling and a little bit of foam at the mouth (almost nothing, do not suffer) has told us, very briefly, that: “you’re not going to eat a torrao”. Sorry, this is precarious!
Scorpio
Are you that broke it. With the summer that you wear could give you an award for fucker of the year because you, well, you do it without lying and without giving any false hopes to anyone. So, what you are going to tell you that you don’t know? This weekend you’ll get wet because you have the agenda to bursting with hook-ups who want to be with you even if it is just to hold the candle while you’re with another person. Take advantage of it because these gusts, as they come, they go faster than you when your mother asks you to go down the trash.
Sagittarius
Life has decided to sit with that exnoviodelaamigadetuprimasegundadelpueblo that taaaaaanto you put it there, but who never came to pass anything. I will cross, and systems to systems, have gone the powder more crazy in your lives. But sorry, because it will be one of those times in which you have been a victim of a ghosting in the entire rule. Will go, and you come to send her pocket without reply. No te rayes, recover your dignity-based overdose Kit Kats and by the following.
Capricorn
In these moments, and according to the alignment of planets cosmic with the satellite 2, your possibilities to take a polvete this weekend are exactly the 49,9%. But don’t we go to scratch for that 0,1% chance because, what is truly going to determine that gilles cacho or you eating the boogers will be your attitude. So meditate, do yoga or crossfit and it burns up all that anxiety that makes you go through the world with the poster of “I need@“ hung on the front. Good Luck!
Aquarium
How to play the ball, you say that you are very very heavy, that “you’d be prettier if…” etc draws you in as if you had declared eternal love with a bouquet of roses. Puts maximum that you despise, you are still jammed in it that the guys that you fuck are those who them like you of truth. Review your manual of love-non-toxic and returns to Tinder with the lesson learned or you will continue giving of communion wafers for years. Oh, and this weekend, not wet, sorry.
Pisces
Anne Germain has told us that he has reviewed your future sexual next in one of his visions to the beyond, because it is more dead than your great-great-grandma Raimunda. Move your ass and organízale to that species of wedding that you used to have (if you have not forgotten your face) an epic image romantic that I pull out of the onanism to both. If you put a little imagination and you in your epilation some parts that take quite a long time neglected, the Saturday night could be epic. Good night and good luck.
