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–> 1 September, 2017
It is day 1 of September, you have not clicked anything at all over the summer and want to know if it is going to be the rest of the year the very face of being two candles that put Rajoy on the floor of the Plot Gürtel. But I know strong colleague, because it seems that you’re going to get rid of survive base of masturbate until the end of the year. We have spoken with Hope Grace (or, better said, we have hacked the mobile phone) and made a Skype with Sandro King and we have brought many blessings to your genitals. Desabróchense belts and are dealt condoms.
Aries
If yours outside fuck no, you’d have the mobile phone’s screen worn both to give the Tinder. You are a sexual failure, and this summer you have confirmed your misery comiéndote more snot than the Slimer of the Ghostbusters. The case is that in the autumn the vein fucker might emerge from your interior if comenzases to read New Code, and understand why so much onanism digital. Another thing, let the PornHub a temporadita that does not go nothing.
Taurus
Oh yeah! You’ve hit a summer that neither Leticia Sabater in a festival erotic. ‘ve been going around of femme fatale succeeding where you’ve gone and now you’re starting to assume that the Winter is coming. Yes, daughter, yes. It is about freshness and your capabilities to show chicha is greatly reduced by what you enter in the phase amoeba. The best thing is that you buscases a nice (or majeta) that give you ‘calorsito rich’ with the blanket and the movie will shift in the coming months.
Gemini
The alignment of planets from the fourth moon of Raticulí to the asteroid to 5,000,000 of the belt of Saturn indicate that you’re more or less 24 hours to take the dust of your life. Will not kidding. You’re going to succeed as the mixer of Cola-Cao in his time and that could change many things in your cerdez post-summer. We didn’t want to tell you as well as to the beast, but: you’re going to fall in love with. Yes, that empotrador nordic and doctor in astrophysics, will return to the world of Yupi and the lollipops. Enjoy!
Cancer
You and your churri long time ago that you are up to the eyelet of each other. These holidays were fairly guais, by the rollete hippie and just going camping, but every second that aspirabas the smell of pinrel of your ‘beloved princeso’ floating around the shop 2” in the Decathlon I felt like practicarte the hara-kiri with a plastic knife from Carrefour. To see, let’s face it, living together is one of the toughest things that there are. There are only two options: you either swallow or you long. Tap choose.
Leo
Vale, vale. We know that you live in Mordor and that in your village the most acceptable thing that tocarías with a stick are the cows to remove them from your path, when you get the modern and sales to make running through the bush. But don’t despair. Our oracle-scholar viewing a young Patxi who will descend to the village to partirte as a trunk dry with his axe. This aizkolari of love will transport you to orgasms beyond the Txindoki and will place the Basque Country at the level of Cuba, Brazil, La Jonquera and other havens sexual.
Virgo
Mmmmm… we have already been back to fuck up the communication with Hope, Grace. The hacker that we had hired to piratearle the horoscopes of the Iphone has freak on vacation (yes, it is these suckers that were caught in September) and the fellow we already have too exploited so that we can help you. Then, well, the best thing is that we do not invent anything, and you say, loud and clear, that if not leaves in the autumn is all your fucking fault. Ale, now to get work.
Pound
Of the that you have ‘fought’ this summer by not messing around with your ex. And don’t we say, you what says the history of hosts you’ve stuck by insisting on a relationship that has less of a future that Paquirrín in a seat of the Royal Academy of the Language. With the amount of fish, molluscs, pee and bottles floating there in the sea, and you with this ‘squidward’. So now that you are past the summer and you can focus on your routine, what you advise for the stars that you open your heart to the possibility of finding someone more business. The same until the time has come to test with a rather cool, like so, and you will save more than a capullada machirulil (and your body you are asking for). I Plam! That’s where you leave it.
Scorpio
What is your movie noventera of teens: you met someone in July and the ligue has lasted until September. No one can believe (neither you nor us either) that you are pillaging each other now that he has passed the sexual frenzy of summer and I may be getting into a relationship in the plan bears loving. With what you have been. We will pray for you by oracle for any of the two will give the vein I miss you, my free bird pussie and they want to deploy to return to the single life. Seriously, if at the end it turns out that you are you, not do too much damage. In the meantime, enjoy the caps with love, are the most.
Sagittarius
Sandro King has commanded us to their best blessings to you: you’re fucked-up. Don’t you know that you could be as bastard as Ramsay Bolton in real life, but your colleague of life you have shown that you will no shortage of bad blood. You’ve removed all polvetes of summer and, in the end, it has been bundled with this thorn that you have in a lifetime. Are you going to let him talk because it was more fucker than you? We are not going to judge you if you do it, but just as you should ask ask some consejillos, to see if it leaves you too. 
Capricorn
Karma will return this summer of clerk that you’re stuck this year in the form of a bacchanal in your September vacation. Not only will you catch this weekend, but you will be unstoppable for those 15 days that I long for there to discover southeast asia with your friends. The morenito impeccable that you’ve currado going to the nearest beach (and at times) throughout the August, while the others were on a holiday will give fruit: you are more sexy than ever and your hormones are screaming that you’re ready for that you from being run over by well hard. Don’t leave the condoms at home.
Aquarium
I thou I was pointing to Meetic, Badoo, Adopts a dude, Tinder and all of dating sites and fuck you can think of. Not leaves from is not known. Only we tell you that it smells to the language that your virginity has grown back and you’re so desperate that you start to commit nonsense own machirulos out. Forget those techniques looking girl to fuck who taught you this, a cousin of the village and it is believed Rafa Mora. Seriously, just logas believe that you’re an idiot and just a 0,000001% you’re going to get going to bed with someone. Our advice is that you be honest and no, don’t try this with absolutely all.
Pisces
Who said that the last weekend of the summer was to get sad? Hang on males, and drawn your look irresistible in the closet, that makes you a mix between Tom Hardy and Michael Fassbender (although you are missing 20 inches of arm, and two shades of orange in your beard), and salt to give it my all. We don’t know if you’re going to get —sorry, our wifi astrological continues to escacharrado— but you’re going to drink and that will be a big party epic. It depends on you to take advantage of it.