Oh great horoscope wild! Lights our passions cerdiles this weekend with your infinite wisdom and omniscience. Revélanos if we worth ourselves depi laser, renew our subscription to the premium PornHub or spending the little pasta that we have in our precarious pockets millennial in condoms with the flavour of Cherry Coke. So this, dear readers of New Code: leed, follad and enjoy and ¡¡¡that the astros dealt luck!!!!!!
A week later your chances of catching chub are the same as those of Sergio Ramos received his phd cum laude at Harvard. This means that the lubricant taste guarani of your drawer, only there will be toilet paper and the screen sticky on your Mac. Forget about approaching something human in the next three eclipses of the moon. No, the Lumi Dolls are not human.
This weekend we are going to leave half of it. And you don’t know take away off the heated-panties. Ask a favor to the world and do not make yourself the silly, this kind of guys don’t have sex with your girlfriend… Let it go up alone the self-esteem, because anything else you say does not go up.
Do you know the boy that you see every morning in the metro, but it is more played as a dwarf that Harpo Marx?Because still you are to time give you the opportunity to go to shit. Is a stalker of the first that does not know how to talk to a woman without drooling before. For the moment, the best thing will be to move him, but if one day dares to verbalize his perversions, it is best to say it clearly: fuck you. And if you are one of those that has more patience and tell him that is what make look.
Please cuidadín if you are invited to play Twister this week, because when they put a foot on the blue, and one hand on the red, you can give a pollazo in the face. And then discover that it was not a birthday, but an orgy, and so can you with these panties! If you let yourself go and don’t have many hobbies, you will find that it is more fun than it looks, and also like making friends and all. If at the end the most important thing is to be open-minded.
Someone will return your life to take a powder fast, and as don’t go in with caution you’re going to be hooked again. If you leaves or not is now a thing of yours, but there are too many dicks in the world and yours was too sociable. When you have been heart broken before which the hole is best to send them to by bread and stop wasting time.
Although they spend the day lying with the porrete in hand playing to the Play, although never pull the chain of the bathroom, but don’t know the meaning of words like wool, mocho, vacuum cleaner or deodorant, even if it is selfish, misogynist, and rancid, you will love it. Is your ‘teddy bear’, your ‘gordo’ and your ‘cuki’ and this weekend you are going to fuck as if there weren’t a Monday. Your love is going to shoot. Spending on condoms and lube, too.
Your days of pornstar star are each day more near. Your Tinder has more waiting list the Social Security and there are those who to find your name in the Pornhub. You’re the closest thing to a goddess of sex and everyone (men, women, trans, bigeneros, androgynous, pangéneros, agéneros, hermaphrodite, femme queen, third sex, transgender, non-binary) want to follarte. Luck.
Look, a thingy, see tutorials on Youtube from the gurus of seduction has not served for nothing more than to be a machirulo toxic and rafamoriense. But you have the opportunity to recyclart in a man sincere, sensitive, and, most importantly, a feminist. Yes, within you have the ability to understand that we are all equal and that, therefore, women have the same needs that you fuck and you don’t need to go chulito beach. Ale, you know.
The harp of Cupid vibrates in your vagina for weeks (of the arrow we don’t talk because you already know where you nailed it). You’ve found your blonde nordic, empotrador and feminist , and you’re not willing to accept that this world of orgasms infinite go to end some day. For the same reason, because even the Disney stories can have an end bajonero, you have to prepare your mind because maybe one day everything.
This week you run the risk of becoming the Mother Teresa of Calcutta of the penises and end up in bed with one of those guys that touches a tit as if to open a safety deposit box. See, seriously, altruism has nothing to do with that. If you want to do good, adopt a puppy and find yourself someone who will truly put to four legs.
The fall has put something soft, and it is likely that the aunts find you ‘charming’, but in the sense of ‘dude that’s cool my mother’ and not on plan ‘I’m starting with panties’. Take advantage of your low hours to exercise the language by speaking, that the same until you are surprised of the palique that you have and you get to know someone.
See, since when in the saunas is known to the love of your life. You can find the phallus of your Thursday, the abdominal of your Tuesday, the lips of your Monday but.. do you love? And is that you are very románticon, but this weekend you’re going to have a reality check and you will find violins in the showers to give a chance to other places.