You’ve got it: if you’re reading this is because you’re dying of wanting to know what you in store for this month. Well, congratulations, because you’re going to throw yourself all the truths of April one by one like darts. What you reconcome the idea that to end your streak of fucker? Do you want to know if your cat will finally stop wishing your death? Or do you wonder if the time has come to take away the pelamen of your intimate areas? Get ready emotionally, and reads with attention that here you are explained everything.
You are pragmatic and that is quite useful in life (good for you) but don’t fuck around, take your relationship with too much prudence, because, as… Error 404 – Passion not found. So this month get ready: salt to flirt, talk to a stranger and, if you have a partner, proponle something new, like for example a site risky where take a polvete or to go back to try exotic food. We want blood in the veins and not horchata milky, fuck.
Get ready for a month of great physical activity (sexual, sorry) and many advances, the best of all: in the end your grandmother will call you by your name and not by your cousin (or neighbor or dog). In addition, it will be a month of big decisions: asimilarás once and for all that your friends are moving from thy face and thou wilt send to fuck your nice side altruistic and sociable. If you want to become, you will open them by Whatsapp. Them peten.
Finally you will realize that life will go better if you were a little more cold, and, since we are not so sensitive. Why? You will need to send something to fuck. Well, to someone: yourself. Stop being such a maso and begins to look for your ass, if not always, you’ll find yourself wrapped up in this so called shit. Ah! Don’t forget: you love the dramas, and there you are one fat one: you have not met or a damn new year’s resolution, and you’re sooo far away from doing so. Mood, because you need to. Cheers.
The concentration astral that will occur in your sign this month, will provide you with the best birthday gift: you will discover an ancestral technique that will improve, so colossal, your masturbation. Oh YEEEY! You will see life with better eyes and you will become the person more beauty of the world, until the crying of a baby of your neighbors you will look like music. So hold on to this good feeling and ask forgiveness to that person who is always round and round through your head. You spent ready and now it’s your turn to pick up the shit you sow.
We know that you will not like the sudden changes or the unexpected things and, therefore, we come to warn you of something: you’re going to flirt and you will be caught off guard. Pass the mower, cut those nails long, or at least aséate a little. Also we recommend you purchase the book of Kamasutra that, after all this time, you feel so lady like your teenage cousin (here’s a little secret: your cousin already is not a virgin and fucks more than you). By the way, pay attention to page 14, there is the key.
You have two personalities and we’re never sure which of the two you prefer in each moment. Nor your partner knows. But tranqui, we bring good news: this month you will begin to have more clear and finally, your family will think that you have not come so as the ass. Or as for ago. Or whatever. Yes, do not waste your essence bipolar is what gets us out of it.
Your armor cost of crossing but who does it and comes to you, comes to stay. Unfortunately, this also happens with the morons and for that reason is still there, that someone touched you the moral. Maybe it’s time to send it to take it up the ass, don’t you think? But the mood because this month all is not as bad: on the 16th of April will be a very special day. You will pass something that will be a turning point in your life, and we don’t want to tell you about it (entiéndenos, we do not mola spoilear). ¡Good luck!
What a hater you get, fuck. You have the art of seeing what is objectionable where there is, it even seems that you have developed a kind of sixth sense. Yes, there is someone that criticizes you: your grandmother. No matter if you do A or B because, in its opinion, will always be wrong. Sieeeeempre. She would be better in any case. But don’t get bogged down because this month there is also a good thing: your grandmother leave you, finally, to call your boyfriend by the name of your ex. Applause, please.
Oh, Virgo, Virgo. Your level of drought begins to worry up to us. And to top it off, your friend is Taurus going to get wet this month and I restregará in the whole of jeta. ‘How well’, you think. And, there, right there, you start to ask yourself if being a misunderstood person born has something to do with it. Well no, in reality it is a different thing: you spend 28h of the day locked up in your room watching series or you are working all the fucking day. Make us the favour of airearte and, since we are at it, buy yourself a self-help book. As you will see in short, you’ll see the light, or at least we hope.
You are very sociable and don’t you love to be alone. Well, until you see your ex, and then the loneliness becomes the most wonderful thing in the fucking world. Yes, sorry, but this month you’re going to encounter with your previous partner and we can’t tell you where or when. Ah, since we are, ponte guapo/a (add here the attitude of “pa , look what you missed”).
They say that you’re the sign most sensual of the zodiac and that you are extremely passionate about. See… we understand that you are passionate about flopping your platonic love of the uni but here that excites you go to buy bread or uncut nails. it’s not. There are things that are shit and give suit, Scorpio. Think about it this month, he meditates, reflects, and lower your dose of happyflowerismo. Your energy level sucks the other, leech horoscopina.
Everyone seems to be bored, and you you love to hesitate to the rock. In addition, with the little diplomat you are, drop any shit without thinking of the consequences has become your habitual way of speaking. As eye because at work you are going to get a bit of hands, bocachancla. You’ll have some other glitch with that, but you will gain on another thing: your friend will put you much this roll that you bring, and… there is no theme but we will! So good, nor so bad, not?